postmarked 07 Mar 1985

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Dear John

Here we go again, you know this is very good for me. To look at my life from my present viewpoint.

You know I never liked my grandparents. My mother’s parents where the only grandparents I knew. They had children almost the same age the rest of us were. We had an aunt who was only a little older than my sister, and an Uncle who was 2 months younger than me. So they were not interested in us as grandchildren. And now that I look back on it, they had their hands full with their own family, but they weren’t even kind to us. I did love my great grandmother Hamilton, she was my mother’s grandmother and lived in a little 2 room house on the back of my grandparents property. She was such a precious lady, she kept her house so clean you could have eaten off her floor. She didn’t have much in worldly goods, bu she was so sweet.

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everything was so neat. She was so neat never a hair out of place, her clothes starched and crisp. Everything in its place.

And it was so peaceful at her home. Just the opposite of my grandma & grandpa’s with all the kids they had, and they were nasty kids, I don’t care if they were relatives. There was a big grape arbor in the back yard and my granddad wouldn’t let us have any. So we would play hide and seek at night & of course we would hide in the grape arbor and eat all the grapes we could cram in. Kids are pretty sneaky! I remember my aunt used to take us up to the attic where we would made cigarettes out of ground coffee rolled up in newspapers, I don’t remember smoking them, but my, Aunt & Carol & my uncle Kenneth did (I was a scaredy cat!). I never liked to go to their house, but with the turmoil in my own home, we often ended up at their house to stay.

My granddad was such a mean man he loved guns, hunting & fishing & was so selfish. He made good money for the rail road, but he fed his family the lowest kind of food. He never let

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my grandmother go to the store, he went up town with a burlap bag, (on the street car) and would come home with soup bones- which were usually free, bulk peanut butter in a quart pail. He raised a huge garden beside the house, so most of their vegetables and fruit were raised right there. Then they – I should say she, canned & preserved as much as they could put up.

Their cellar was full of canned fruit & vegetables. They actually had a furnace altho most houses were heated by wood stoves, (something like you have in your home now.) There was one great big register in the dining room in the middle of the house, and then as I recall grandma had a big range in the kitchen. My grandfather was not a lazy man. He built the house they lived in, it was a huge bungalow. about 8 rms. on one floor – living room, dining room – Hall bathroom – cellar way & then a huge kitchen. upstairs was a big attic. With partial flooring, on the side was a big tank that caught the run off water from the down spout on the eaves. It was almost the side of a double sized

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bath tub, when I was little I thought it was as deep as the whole house, and that if I fell in, I would never reach the bottom! but the attic ran the full length of the house, and we often had to sleep up there. They had 4 bedrooms, but with that large a family you had to have some overflow room.

You know it’s funny, I don’t remember being afraid of the dark or being alone, but I do remember being scared to death in the day time, when my mother went to town and I would hear a siren, I was sure something had happened to my mother, and I crawled under the bed to hide.

My mother worked when we were small and we had some baby sitters, boy were they weird, we had one who was sort of loony, all she ever fed us was oatmeal & she blowed out spit bubbles!

Then mom got a young girl who turned out to be a shop lifter! We liked her! She played saxophone. But when mom paid her, she came home with a whole bag of clothes, much more than she could have paid for on what she was being paid. “So mom seen her duty & she done it” Ha. She called the cops -

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I realize now, she had to our she would be liable too. The detectives came out, and nosey me – I went into the bedroom while they were questioning her. Mom tried to get me out, but the detectives said it was o.k. for me to stay. They were nice to her, But they insisted on sales slips for the merchandise. She she couldn’t of course they arrested her! Poor thing, they were mostly nice underclothes.

I remember when we lived in the little house on 4th st, when people had childhood diseases, measles, mumps, whooping cough, etc. they quarantined your house! They came out & put big signs (not bill board size, more poster size) on the front of your house, and you couldn’t go out, and no one could come in until they came out and took the quarantine signs down. Then you had to fumigate your house with sulfur candle. That’s how they tried to control childhood diseases. It wasn’t very effective but it did help. So medicine has come a long way since I was a child. Can you believe that we

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saw many children who were crippled by – what we call “polio” now, but when we were little

it was called “infantile Paralysis” Many died, now we seldom hear of it, because of the Salk vaccine. You children are so fortunate, health wise. Science has found so many cures for so many ills, but they can’t show us how to live together!

Do your realize how much we allow other people to push us in to their molds, We either try to be what they want against our own nature, or we rebel & decide we won’t be anything, just in case its what someone else wants. Either way we lose. We have to learn to be ourselves. And thats hard, because there are so many pressures, but we don’t have to be someone else’s dreams or wishes, and they, the ones doing the pushing or rejecting are to be pitied because they’re so dissatisfied with themselves! Thats most of the problem. But I had to learn who, I was. It was a long process, and probably took longer than it should have, I guess I was a slow learner. Most of us are. When we’re young we’re so unsure of ourselves

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we’re not sure what we want to be. We’re not even sure what we can be. Then other people are putting their demands on our life – be smarter (than other people’s kids) be better, better looking, better at sports better- better- not because it’s best for us, but because they want to bask in our accomplishments, or because they have a dictator complex, and they know whats

best for everyone. That’s a dangerous point of view. I wouldn’t want to take that kind of responsibility for someone else’s life. Would you? Then again there are the ones who are so involved with themselves that they don’t care about anyone other than themselves! Not their children, not their parents, not their wives or husbands, or friends, just themselves, and they’re just as emotionally crippled as the others.

How do we reach a happy medium? It’s hard. It’s like walking tight rope. Pray that you will develop the right point of view. That you will try to help your children be the best self they can be, for themselves, not for you, but to teach

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them to respect you. And of course to be respected. You have to earn it. Be interested in what your children do, but don’t make that your total focus. They have to grow in their own way. not ours.

Oh I sound like I’m preaching, but I guess I’m remembering how disinterested my parents were in my development. They never went to school for any of my programs, or for parents day. They never showed any interest in my grades.

Altho my dad did tell us one time he would give us a dollar for every -A- we got on our report cards. I got five but I never got the money! He was always good at promises, but very poor on performance. Ah well, that made me tough! I made up my mind not to let them whip me and break my spirit!

And I didn’t! Praise the Lord. I learned I had to be tough, tough minded and let them talk, but they couldn’t reach the real me. I wouldn’t let them!

I can remember going in the closet & pounding pillows & saying through gritted teeth (under my breath) “I hate you” “I hate you”. I guess that was my safety

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valve. We all need one. I was little & wiry- and I guess I was really sort of mean inside. I had a bad temper, but I learned to control it (most of the time) Temper is not bad, its what we do with it, and whether we control it or let it control us.

Back to memories. There was a Japanese family that lived several houses down when we lived on Williams st. That was unusual. They had a photography studio up on Calhoun st. They had 3 little children, Sumi, Aachen, & Charlie!

Their last name was “Ozaki”. Anyhow my brother Harry was playing with the children in the sand box & he flipped the shovel (it was probably a spoon!) up while he was digging in the sand & it flipped sand in one of the little girls eyes. He really didn’t mean to, but that Japanese lady chased him down the street, yelling “Sumi, Aachen – eyes” – she couldn’t speak English very well, but Wow! was she mad? My mom had to really talk fast to calm her down.

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believe it or not, we found out they were spies for Japan and were deported during the second World war!! Now that is interesting. Don’t you think?

We used to go over to Reservoir park in the evenings, they had concerts and fountains with colored lights in them. We’d take a blanket and listen to the music, and us kids would go & roll down the hill which looked like a mountain to us that’s the kind of fun we had.

The popcorn man would come by the park with his horse & wagon & we’d get a couple bags of popcorn or ice cream cones. They were only a nickel a piece, but the nickels were hard to come by. A penny was a fortune to us.

Well I’ve reminisced long enough for this time. More later. Are you getting bored? Well be patient, its good therapy for grandma. And because I think you’ll save them and read them over & I will have left something of myself with you.

I love you.

Grandma L.

postmarked 28 Feb 1985

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Hi John,

I’m really rolling with these memoirs. I’ve enjoyed recalling some of my childhood for you. And I hope you’ll keep these letters in a safe place so that when you’re older, you can reread them and maybe enjoy a past and a life very different from the one you live. remember, as my dad said once he came from the horse & buggy to the space age, that’s wild!

You see when I was a little girl they still delivered milk and ice, with a horse & wagon. We kids would follow the ice wagon down the street and when he would stop to deliver ice to his customers, we’d hop on the back while he was chipping out the 25 or 50 lb blocks and beg for slivers of ice. That was such fun we thought. And we would pet the horses. We thought we had a very exciting life. It was for us.

I remember I told you I was in a children’s home when we were small, and the stories they tell about some orphanages may have been true, but the one we were in, they were very good to us. Now that I think

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about it. We were dressed alike! I had little blue and yellow checked dressed & black shoes & stockings, and when we went outside in the summer we wore navy blue straw hats with big brims, but on Sunday when we were taken to church in town we wore regular clothes. They had a great big clothes closet – all the clothes were in there by sizes and we were given clothes to wear that were very nice.

I remember when we went to the home, I had a lovely little beige bonnet with Ostrich feathers all around the brim, well I outgrew it, and I threw a fit when they took it and put it on another little girl!! Probably because it was something that I attached to my own home. I couldn’t wear it, it was too small, but I didn’t want to let go of it. Strange the things we hold on to. (like Radar on Mash with his Teddy bear).

I remember we used to go out hunting wild strawberries, while we were at the “home” It was a big farm, and I’m sure they grew a lot of the food for it, because I know they had a big orchard, and we would go out and get apples – some of

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them we called “rusty coats” now I know they were called “Russets” the actual name. anyhow I started to tell you that we went to hunt wild strawberries. John if you have never eaten wild strawberries, you have never tasted anything so sweet. They’re so tiny! I had a half of a paper mache easter egg to put mine in, and it took a lot to fill it, or course, I probably ate more than I put in the container. And the hired man would give us turns of rides on the farm horses, one time I was on the horse and he tried to go in the barn – it was a dutch door and the bottom half was open, but the top was closed, he almost knocked me off his back, and that may have been what he tried to do. I think he was tired of us riding on him.

Another time in the winter, very cold, I put my tongue on an iron support of the well house, and my tongue froze fast, I had to tear it loose, oh was that ever sore! Kids sure do dumb things.

We had chapel every evening in our dormitories and I remember singing, “Son of my Soul, Thou Savior dear” and being so sleepy

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We also had to have little chores to do, and we would put old clothes on our feet and

skate on the play room floor, after wax was applied to make it shine, it was supposed to be work, but we had a lot of fun doing it.

Another time I got in trouble for something, I think it was because I wouldn’t eat Spanish rice for supper, and we were supposed to clean our plates. Anyhow they put me in the toy room & closed the door no light, but I turned on the light and got out toys and played till I finally fell

asleep, I don’t remember being scared, I was kind of tickled, because I could play with anything I wanted to – and didn’t have to share with anyone.

We went to a small school, only one or two rooms, and we had a man teacher. I think maybe he taught the older kids. We had little cardboard squares with letters on and we used these to make words. I liked that. I always loved to read, as soon as I could read for myself, I read every thing I could.

Once the city put on a big stage show, a benefit for veterans of World War One, and we children were taken in to be in it we sang, and I remember I was chosen to go on with a male singer.

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who sang “The Holy City” and I wore a crown of spice pines (pinks?) on my head and a long gown, and he put his arm around me while he sang. I hadn’t thought about that in years! I think I also carried Palm branches, There’s a phrase in the song that says “Hushed were the loud hosannas, the little children sang” That’s when he put his arm around me. What strange things to remember.

Another time they had a big Christmas party for all the children’s home, and the only thing I remember about that is, they took our pictures for the newspaper and the flash at that time was some kind of powder on a tray & when they put a match to it it would flair up in a big light. They didn’t have flash bulbs back then. That’s funny, now that I think about it. no wonder people always looked so strange in pictures. (scared).

Well John eventually my Mother and dad decided to get back together, but while they were negotiating, My sister and I were taken to live with a minister

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and his family. They were ministers in the church my mom and dad went to (when

they went). The Mennonite Church. They were good people, but it was just another unsettling thing for an already frightened child. Their family was grown, I remember there youngest son’s name was Wayne, and he was a senior in high school,

He made fun of me because my nose was always running, back then they didn’t know about allergies, so he thought I could help it, but I couldn’t and it really made me miserable because no one understood my problem. And it certainly didn’t for him to make me ashamed of something I couldn’t help.

Eventually my parents did go back together and we went back to live with them, but they never really got along. They would argue & fight and then quit speaking to each other, and would relay their messages through us children – “Tell your father “____ ” Tell your mother ” whatever they had to say. Now days that would be classed as child abuse, and it is. But we survived, we’re all tougher than we think we are.

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But I’ll tell you one thing John, I made up my mind, I would never put my children through that and thank God, he helped me keep my promise.

Once time we were living in an apartment on Williams st. E. or W. I don’t remember we lived both places. Anyhow someone in the neighborhood had gotten a new piano, and they used to come in huge packing boxes, us kids were playing in, around and on it (it made a nice playhouse) I climbed on top of it and jumped off without looking, caught my throat on a wire clothes line, it whipped me around in a big arc. and then I hit the ground, it knocked the wind out of me, but the worst was my throat, I was so scared of what my parents would do, that I

tried to hide it. I put my coat collar up around my neck and tried to slip up to the bathroom, I thought I would wash it, it wouldn’t go away, Anyhow my mother heard me and called me in to her. I must have looked terrible, she made me put my coat collar down, and she almost

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fainted when she saw my throat, a Dr lived right down the st, and they took me there and he gave me a tetanus shot. Well back there is was made of horse serum & all my allergies were related to animal matter Dog, cat, hair, dust. It almost killed me.

I don’t know how long i was in bed, but the reaction was so severe & they didn’t know what to do for me – But God had a plan for my life, and he brought me through it. We need to realize that God does have a plan for each of us, although there have been times I have wondered about it, but he is always true to us. Learning to trust him is important. because he’s the best father to have. Our heavenly father is the only one to have he will never reject us or make us feel we’re not good enough. He always loves us, you see I never really had a father or a mother, they were too busy battling each other to have any time for us. Most of all me. But God never failed me.

I love you John.

and I always will.

Grandma L.

postmarked 28 Feb 1985

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Tues 26-85

Dear John,

Well I’ve been thinking back again to my childhood. Did you realize that my family didn’t own a car? Not ever!!

We rode street cars, not buses, streetcars with trolleys, that we kids pulled off at Halloween. Also at Halloween the city of Ft. Wayne had a parade for the kids down Calhoun st. to the Shrine Auditorium when they showed kids movies, and gave us candy treats. They also gave prizes for costumes. The best, funnies, ugliest, most original etc. The police cars gave out candy to the kids.

Take it by and large, I think we (in some ways) had more fun than kids do today. At least we had our fun on the neighborhood. And of course since we didn’t have a car, we had to do things right near where we were. We went all over the neighborhood, trick or treating, and our parents didn’t have to go with us. No one bothered us!!

Also speaking of Halloween, I was a real scaredy cat when I was very small. I remember my Aunts and Uncles & cousins

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dressed up and came by our house, and I was so scared. I hid behind my mom, and screamed & bawled! I was so scared.

My Aunt taught me to dance the Charleston, a crazy dance, and I was only about 3 yrs. old

One time at a funeral (Family – An Aunt) at my grandparents home. I had an Aunt & Uncle – no a cousin & her husband, were Spiritualists. A kitten got behind the davenport and was playing with the lamp cord, which made the lamp shake this cousins husband was watching

it with a real scared expression on his face. My grand dad said “whats the matter Louie, the spirits getting ya?”

we all laughed because the poor guy really thought it was spirits.

One time the neighborhood we lived in was a rather rough (rather? it was rough!!) one. Hoodlums used the area for a hide out. One of John Dillinger’s gang was supposed to be hiding out on the next bock. We couldn’t find my brother, and my mom sent me to get

him, here he was standing in the back yard of the house where this Van Meter was supposed to be hiding & Cops

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all around with guns drawn. And there was Harry taking it all in!!

Another time we were looking out the window across the street was a house where a bunch of bootleggers lived. This one guy was sitting on the porch and his wife (?) reached out the window & hit him on the head with a beer bottle! We thought it was really funny, but looking back now it was really sad to see people live like that.

Of course us kids we didn’t think serious- ly about that. We just saw the funny side. Maybe it’s a good thing we could see the humor in it. We never felt degraded because we lived there, every one we knew was poor, just like us. so we didn’t feel out of it. We were clean and we paid our bills (when we could) I remember once when we had so little food that my mom went in the other room, and said she wasn’t hungry, because there wasn’t enough to go around. And all it was, was stewed potatoes. Potatoes, onions & bacon drippings. It was good to us.

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we ate lots of soup beans, macaroni, spaghetti potatoes corn, bread, biscuits. Not to much meat. I remember my dad used to walk down to the High st. Market, where farmers

brought in their produce, and after it was ready to close, Dad would get meat & vegetables and fruit for very little or even sometimes free. This was very hard on his pride, he was a very proud man. He’d always had good paying jobs, but they never saved any money. So when the “Crash” came in 1929- they lost everything.

It really pays to be thrifty and save, because the stock market could crash again. Believe me, I know, I had to wear hand-me downs, sometimes shoes too small, or too big holes in the soles, ugly stockings. I’m glad it didn’t scar me too much.

Maybe that’s why I hate to throw anything away. But when you’ve had practically nothing, you try to make use of every thing you have.

One time someone gave us a goose for Christmas. Did you ever know how oily a goose is? Mom drained off cup after cup of grease – and believe me, if you’ve ever read old time

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stories about goose grease & turpentine – mom made some, and when we had colds mom would rub our chests with it, ugh!

My grand dad studied medicine and he was really smart. He also could buy drugs and mix his own medicines. During the “flu” epidemic of 1918 & 19 – he was asked to take over one of the Dr’s practices. (The Dr. caught the “flu”)

Many people died during that time (this was before I was born) We hardly ever went to a Dr. Grandpa doctored us. He saved my mothers life once time, when Drs gave up on her. However I never liked him, unlike your grandpa’s he was a mean man. I really hated him and I was afraid of him. He could do about anything tho. he could cobble shoes, he built their house and it had built in cupboards before other people had them. most people had old fashioned free standing cupboards or cabinets like your mom had one when you lived on Wayne St. as a little boy. Do you remember. They had flour bins

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in one side, that held about 20-23 lbs of flour & had a sifter built right in to the bottom, so all you had to do was remove the lid, put your container underneath & sift out however much flour you needed to use. So we didn’t have things as unhandy as you might think.

Well, I’ll let this taper off for now. and save something for the next letter.

I love you and bless you.

Grandma Lakey.

Just think right now, you’d just be allowed to start wearing long trousers! before that you’d have worn knickers. Can you just imagine that? Hope you like these stamps. Our pastor gave us these stamps for you

postmarked 21 Feb 1985

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Feb 18 – 85

Dear John

Last night I was lying in bed, and I got to thinking about my life and my childhood, and some things I wanted to tell you. I don’t know why I’ve chosen you of all my grandchildren to tell them about myself, maybe because of all of them, I think you will be the one to keep these letters and maybe share them much later when I’m gone. Or maybe you’ll write a book, not that my life is so spectacular, but its a way of life we knew, that will be gone.

I got to remembering, believe it or not, of the night my brother was born, he was 21 months younger than myself. My dad came & got me & carried me into the bed room, I’d be asleep and I all remember is they said there was a baby. I must have been still half asleep, because I don’t remember anymore till much later. I do remember him before we could walk, and he had little baby suits, that they called “Romper” suits

I even remember once color of one, a deep

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Orangey Brown pants & a white top ! I also remember & I must have been very young, I wet the bed and I was so upset, so it must have been unusual because I remember my mom wasn’t mad, but I was crying with embarrassment and I had dreamed I was on the toilet. That’s a pretty personal thing, but I was such a little girl, but after all these years, I can remember how humiliated I felt.

Another time my mother was taking care of my cousin a baby, and I stole her bottle. I’d never had a bottle much because I was like Aunt Ann, Allergic to so many things, but I remember I’d hid, and they found me. And laughed, and again I was embarrassed again. The funny thing was I know now in looking back that it wasn’t the bottle I wanted, I liked the taste of the formula they were giving her. I even remember the name of it “Mellins” now how do you suppose I remember something that un-important?

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Did I tell you that I was the only one in my family to be born in a hospital? Back then children were born at home, but my mother almost died when my sister was born, so they didn’t want to take any chances. However since she didn’t have any problems when I was born, she had my brother at home.

Actually much of my childhood, I didn’t have a father, he was a Church Frescoer. That means an artist who did all the fancy painting in the big churches and cathedrals. And he was very good, as a painter, but he was never at home In fact when I was born he was in New Orleans LA, and didn’t get home till I was 6 mo. old. And then the first thing he said to my mother was “Where did you get that little “Jap”?” Because I was olive skinned, dark hair & dark eyed – like himself – actually. So, I guess I was half an orphan most of the time.

I’m just putting things down that come

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to my mind. Sounds like it’s a hodge podge in there, doesn’t it, but as I start recalling, other things pop in, and I think “I want to tell John about this.”

I remember we lived in a little house on Fourth st. in Ft. Wayne. My grandmother Young – lived on 3rd st. We were going over to her house – walking. The st. must not have been paved, caused it was a sea of mud. It was after dark, and I lost my shoe in the mud !!

We tried to find it, but in the dark that wasn’t possible. I was frantic, I just knew I’d be spanked, but I must not have been, because I don’t ever remember what happened after that. They must have found my shoe the next day & cleaned it up, because I did have shoes. (the next day). I’m repeating myself.

My brother & I played together a lot. Aunt Carol was older (2 yrs) and I don’t remember playing with her very much. Altho I remember a Christmas when we got a table (child size) and chairs, a real china tea set, dolls – etc. My brother got a truck, and that was a big thing, remember we hadn’t had auto

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mobiles, that long. Anyhow it was big enough for him to sit on. He was very young, and Carol & I were setting our table for a tea party with our dolls, when my brother Harry, decided to join the party, but he sat on the table & crushed our china, which was egg shell thin. We were so mad at him!

That was a good Christmas, I don’t remember too many of them as a child not too many years later my parents separated, and we were all 3 put in a children’s home, where I was put in a dormitory with other children my age, and my brother was in what they called the “baby cottage” where all children under 2 yrs were housed. My older sister was on a different floor of the dormitory. We had governesses, & mine was called “Miss Martha” she was a nice

German lady, not too old, because I remember she was engaged to the son of the people who were in charge of the babies. Anyhow, she really liked me, and

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some nights when I was lonely and crying in my bed, she would wait till all the others were asleep, then she would come & get me out of bed, take me to her room & cuddle me & rock me, call me her “little Mary” My name was supposed to be Mary Kathleen after a great grandmother on my fathers side of the family. However my birth certificate reads Kathleen – (no middle name.) Miss Martha would make hot cocoa for me and fix toast for me in her room, because I wasn’t eating very well. I guess the separation from parents and my brother & sister were just too much for me.

Miss Martha wanted to adopt me. So I guess she really did love me, but my folks wouldn’t give me up. Sometimes I wish they had, but then I look to my life now and I’m glad I’m where I am. I might not have had a darling grandson named John. And I wouldn’t have missed you for the world.

Isn’t life strange, when I look back at all that’s happened, I shake my head in disbelief. A lot has happened to me.

I’ll close this now and write more later.

I love you

Grandma L.